Each of us has a deep unconscious we know little about. I invite you to take a dive into the unconscious of men. It’s a vast expanse and this is just a dive - as long as you can hold your breath - but that’s enough to see a lot down there. The hard truth!
Throughout the long history of men and women, men had a place with honor and respect. These two qualities, honor and respect were the cornerstones of the masculine psyche, both psychologically and spiritually. So true was that that the stories of the men of the past universally deal with honor and respect and their sub-themes. Those included serving a higher ideal down here, and ultimately God. Honor and respect came from protecting and providing for wives and children so they could thrive, and beyond that, the community and nation. Men strove with all their might to succeed at that.
Archetypally this can be represented as the Warrior.
The names of men reflect this fighting spirit. Andrew reflects bravery and strength. My father’s name was Barry - spear. HIs father was Louis, which is connected to battle cry. The courageous fighting spirit of courage and accomplishment was everywhere in men of the past. Women and other men sought out honorable men of respect for these qualities because they demonstrated success and survival in a challenging world.
How that changed is a story too much for this dive beneath the surface, but change it did, quickly and profoundly.
At least it changed on the surface.
Down below in the unconscious, and still present, men’s nature and psyche continue to resonate with the ancient calls to honor and service. Just as antaomically he’s been formed from the deep past to be how he is, he’s born into an ancient psyche. Manhood is baked in to his being. He’s a man for all that and always will be.
No surface story and conditioning can penetrate to change his male nature. But the surface story of today is the opposite of the story of men that’s been there since forever, the one that everyone knew till yesterday.
The opposite of that honor and respect is shame. The surface story of men, the conscious story, is that theyre’ guilty and should be ashamed. Though it sounds awful and crazy, many men and many women believe that. Men take it on it because the male psyche is set up to serve and be valued for service. When that’s thwarted or denied or not wanted, there’s nowhere to go for him. Then he faces a battle that can’t be fought in the traditional way and he’s unequipped for it.
Men who have no route to respect and honor are primed for failure.
Men have a new battle to fight. It’s not the ancient fight for the physical survival of families and communities men fought for centuries. It’s not a physical fight, though it requires his agility and strength. It’s a new kind of fight for the future. It’s not against a physical enemy at all but the fight for the truth of the human heart.
Getting clear on the new fight, and getting clear on one’s part in it, is the next step for the individual man. But there’s a long way to go.
Modern western society prioritizes feminine values in every domain. Some narratives and groups appear to welcome, encourage and support men. Very often they support men who valorize and exemplify a bearded version of feminine qualities.
“Now Henry, tell me now you feel.”
Most therapeutic spaces for men, and most organizations and help spaces that would help them are built on the assumption that the solution for men is to be psychologically and behaviourly more like women. More talk is what’s wanted, more feelings, more understanding. In 2019 the American Psychological Association said that traditional masculinity is harmful and a toxic condition. Not to blame the APA though, they were only making public a long-standing social assumption that everyone knows to be true.
Therapists and many men’s groups, including very large successful ones, support men who are in trouble by encouraging talk and expression about feelings and offering sympathy. These are women’s modes of coping and resolution, not men’s. Men’s groups and spaces don’t say they’re offering a feminized style of help to men, but that’s the mode they use.
The men’s way forward needs another approach entirely, one more based on goal and action - and support for that.
There’s a long way to go to the future that works for all. Women will have a starring role, of course, front and centre with him. We’re rewriting the contract together. Women have their personal work which is as little known in the current moment as men’s is. Women’s love will shine and manly courage and warriorship - and maybe his initiatory spirit - will be on full display.
Hi Andrew:
Reading this, I wonder if a “men’s group” true to the older pattern isn’t manifest in work parties?
Imagination, skill, strength and cooperation come together and something useful comes into being.
Does that make any sense?
Keep on brother.
You have captured the essence of your insightful and eloquent poetry / story shared in Spoken Word. Beautiful & Bravo!
This feels like just the start of a journey you will carve out for others.